im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
