my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
