Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
