I can text with my tongue
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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