i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
