This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
