they need to just BURY HIM!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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