is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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