Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
