you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
