I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
