I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
