how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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