He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
