Betty ford says i'm here all night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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