On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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