Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
