you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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