Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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