We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
