Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
