I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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