Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
well you can't waste a boner
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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