She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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