Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
