he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
