At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
