We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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