Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
