oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
