Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
