he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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