dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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