Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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