im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
