What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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