I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He better not be in your backpack
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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