Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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