I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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