you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
