Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
