Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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