I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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