I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
