my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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