Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
