hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
