Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize