heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
