i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
