Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
