Umm I'm too high to move.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
