I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
