Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
