Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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