youre lurking in front of me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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