Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
