I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
