you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
