Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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