I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
