Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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