The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
